What If...
7:41 PM
JITIN
,
What If
The Sky was green and leaves were blue,
And all the things that I imagined were true.
I was not just another ordinary guy,
And there was more to a conversation than a simple ‘hi’.
What If
Gurgaon was another home away from the picturesque landscape of doon,
And the city had more to offer than lots of confusion and an aura of gloom.
The people were sane enough, the weather was more tolerable & everything was not in a fix,
And House no. 20 in gurgaon was somewhat similar, if not exactly like doon’s House no. 166.
What If
Life was a 24*7 masti, with not so hectic office and an all-out weekend fun,
And all this was an exception to the famous saying: ‘Its easier said than done’!
Everyone was not in a tearing hurry reminiscent to the hustle & bustle of 20-20 cricket,
And one had more time to stop, gaze and then enjoy life, much like the slow rumble of 5-day cricket.
What If
I knew the ‘reason’ behind my mortal existence on planet Earth & what exactly I was required to do?
My goals were a lot clearer, my dreams were less hazy and I stuck to my plans like the binding glue.
November 18 was not the most important date of the year 2007 for me,
And I had the courage to lock all my CATastrophic books in a room and throw away the damned key.
What If
The sole motive of my every endeavor in life was not only about: ‘I, Me & Myself’,
& I could contribute to my fellow beings, my nation and the whole world, unperturbed by the fate of thyself.
I was not just another brick in the wall,
& stood up, took guard and lead India, whenever there was a call.
What If
The Sky was green and leaves were blue,
And all the things that I imagined were true.
The “poetic me” was not an outright loser,
And my dreams & reality were not far away, but distinctly closer!
Not a bad try, it seems to be rhyming but its not a rhyme.
I liked the ending especially, where in the whole poem you are talking about what if, and then in the end portraying it to be closer to ur dreams;which in a sense is an achievment.
I would also like to comment on ur what ifs, which are true, absolutely true. Many people dream like the kinda of life you have portrayed, but for most of them they are dreams only and are never able to get into shape.
Nice try and keep trying dude :)
good to start with...good job !!
hv a strong belief that you will surely do more of this stuff...
and along with it i visited not only the "poetic jitin" but a "patriotic jitin" !!!!
jai hind !!
Not much of a poetry fan, so I can't say I enjoyed this post too much. But that's what I'd say to anyone who wrote poetry (including Wordsorth), so no offence!
So how do we go about it.. do we list all the rhyming pairs first and then add ideas as prefixes.. or the other way round?? :P
Nice read!
A Few things here and there
'Everyone was not in a tearing hurry reminiscent to the hustle & bustle of 20-20 cricket'- i am no traditionalist and so 20-20 aint all tht bad. Less time consuming and much more exciting :)
Why is everyone so CAT obsessed :(
Cmmon Gurgaon is no doon but still there are a few things in delhi that one can forever look forward to
But an absolutely wowish effort for a first time poet. Kudos:)
Now whether or not you are a Coldplay fan, try listening to their song 'What if'.
Gud first time effort jitin.......
bt it seems to me dat u took the punch line or the pivot line from the coldplay's song "what if" then got idea for the line and then used ryming words and then jumbled the sentence to bring them at the end of the line.........
sorry sorry ........too critical.......bt all in all a good beginners effort.
Keep it up......
chinki well done yaar......very good 1st attempt....
great one mate!!!
First poetic endeavour... not bad at all! Fresh n crisp... made for a nice read. And hey, you even managed to rhyme in almost all paras! My fav pick-
"November 18 was not the most important date of the year 2007 for me,
And I had the courage to lock all my CATastrophic books in a room and throw away the damned key."
--- You sound INSPIRED :P
And you got a problem against Twenty20 cricket??? Why! Instant gratification... isnt that what all of us are looking for these days??? Its just like your poem infact... concise and crisp!
Anyway, i see the next post is on IMA. Running to give it a read, my beau passed out from there this june! Will leave a comment there as well... do counter!
@shuchita
now thats the kind of encouragement that will inspire me to continue on my poetic journey!
next time i will make sure that you like the opening too...
thanx :-)
@sumit
well all that praise is making me flattered! yup i would surely do0 more poetic stuff from now onwards... & yes you are right about the patriotism theme...
jai hind!
@musab
its perfectly fine... no offence at all! Though i can't be least compared to Wordsworth :-)
@mridul
he he.. now thats for you to figure out dude!
thanx :-)
@ajaypal
well you are a little bit mistaken yaar... i have not heard of this Coldplay's song... not even now! so couldnot have got this idea... But i will surely listen to it now that quite a few people are referring to it...
& thanx :-)
@karanbir
thank you so much!
@raggamuffin
thanks a ton buddy!!!
@arunabh
Now thats what i call a trademark critics comment! i always look forward to these...
No i am not at all against 20-20 cricket as you will find out in my next post (though i must confess that i was not a die-hard fan at the begining)...
Hmmm... Yes everybody seems to be CAT obsessed these dayz... Though for a change, i have left it fot this year!!!
But please compare gurgaon with doon... i am almost fed up of this place now... but yes delhi is a lot lot better! no doubt about it!
& thank you so much for such flattering appreciation...
I am on cloud no. 9!!!
& will surely listen to this coldplay song now...
sooner than later!
@yashika
:-) :-) :-)
Yes i am all smiling now...
My first poetic endeavor has been a success! i can't be happier!
Really liked those words: 'fresh & crisp'!
Well i am inspired for sure ;-)
If i remember all right, have conveniently missed the last 3 mocks even!!! So its high time for me to change gears now :-)
& NO NO NO..............
i am not at all against 20-20 cricket, more so now after our WC triumph! my next post reaffirms this fact for once & for all...
& hey can't wait to read ur comments on the IMA post now!!!
Thanx again!
A good first effort..!! keep trying 2 to get variety in ur writing..
great effort bro.... it was a delight to read it ... coming home after 2 weeks.... very well done....yah i also hope that gurgaon offers more then gloom especially the traffic and exceptionally poor transport.. :-p
and u have also tried ur hands on philoshpy..... apart from poetry... hmm... jitin da... kya baat hai... Kuch gadbad lag rahi hai... ha ha ha....
Continue this endeavour... it was a real treat..... Bye